Edit Journal Entry November 12, 2010

Last night was interesting. Hauk has been helping me with my Bloodthistle withdrawal. I knew this would not be easy when he said he would help me. I sometimes feel as if I am not strong enough to handle this. I have tried before and I ended up stabbing my sister. I warned Hauk of this but he wants to still help me. I even pushed him a bit and he still wouldn't leave my side. He wants to see me through this which I appreciate so much. He is such a great friend to me. He took me to the training dummies in Silvermoon to let out my aggression. It helped a little bit but I fought so hard that I think I passed out.

I had the strangest dream last night. Hauk and I were in Eversong by the water. He was saying the niecest things to me. He was saying everything I have ever hoped he would say to me. That he loved me and we could be together. We even kissed! It felt so real at first. My heart was so full of love and I have never felt better. Then something happened and I realized that it wasn't real. He tried to assure me that it was, and that I could go back there anytime I wanted to as long as I still consumed the Bloodthistle.

He would always love me in my drug induced world, in this fake place that I had made up. The idea was tempting. To finally have Hauk love me in return. I wish it was real. It never will be real. My heart has already started to move on, on to Andi. I have to fight this addiction that I have, it is no good for me. My addiction to Bloodthistle, as well as Hauk Fenshire. It isn't fair to Andi, I was honest with him about my feelings for another and he seemed upset but seemed to understand. My heart is sad this morning.

I awoke in Sunsword Spire. Hauk must have taken me there after I passed out. I woke up to the sound of the ocean. I left early this morning to go back home. I hope today is better with the withdrawal. Hauk seems to think it will get worse before it gets better. I am not looking forward to this...