Journal Entry October 5, 2010

Yesterday was an interesting day. I didn't feel well for most of the day. I hadn't even realized that it was because I had needed more of the Bloodthistle. My mind has not been the same since I started it, I find myself forgetting things more often now. I also find that when I do not take it, I get very irritable, sweaty, then cold, and the headaches are terrible. I snapped at my sister yesterday while this was happening. We worked it out. Some of the things I was saying to her were still true though. Sometimes what she says may not be what she means, this is true. But sometimes she makes it seem as if *she* is the only one that fights for the Horde, and she is the only one making sacrifices, whereas I am shedding as much blood as she in the name of the Horde and the Sin'Dorei! I have many scars to prove that I have fought well for our people.

Anyway this bloodthistle is strong indeed. I feel so euphoric when I take it, but then the low I feel when I need more is almost unbearable at times. It seems like I have to take more now to get the same effect. After Biara and I had that little fight, Sirian decided to take us out shopping which was a great idea. It really did help lift my mood up again! I also snuck some bloodthislte under my tongue while no one was watching me. I feel terrible that I am addicted to this drug, it wasn't even my fault! I didn't seek to feel this way, but now I feel as if I cannot stop. It feels too good when I take it, I do not want to give that up just yet. I still keep my secret, only one knows of it. I am ashamed that my body needs this drug. No one is to know, I know my source will not tell anyone for he doesn't want people to know that he is helping me.


On another bright note, we attacked the Alliance last night! It was so much fun. I needed that. We fought well against our many attackers. I took many down before I was knocked unconscious. *sighs happily*