Journal Entry April 9, 2011

My time with Andi has been amazing! I still can't believe that I can be with him, in the open, in Silvermoon! My heart is so filled with love and joy that I can barely contain it. Yet there is still something that plagues me. I have been feeling ill as of late. I do not know what it could be. I told my sister that I would go to our House Healers but I have not worked up the courage to do so. I have tried to cleanse the disease from me but it does not work. It must be something else. But if it is not a disease what could it be?

I do not want to ruin this time I finally have with my love. He can sense that something is wrong, but I try to change the subject. I just wish it would go away whatever it is. The thing that bothers me is that I can usually get rid of these things myself. For it to not go away, it leads me to believe it could be some kind of curse or something!

Oh my. What if...no I couldn't be, could I? What if I am pregnant? I would have to tell Andi. How would he react? How would *I* react? I do not want a child now. Maybe someday but not now! That would be terrible if that were true! I will just take a nice deep breath and go to the House Healers to find out the truth. If I indeed AM pregnant then I will deal with it at that time. For now I will go meet with Andi and we will have a wonderful day together, like we have been. I will push these thoughts aside until later.