Journal Entry October 8, 2010

I am conflicted right now. I'm upset. Sirian has left Silvermoon. He only told me last night and I think he only told me because I happened to bump into him in Silvermoon City. He wasn't even going to say goodbye. I know that a lot has happened between us but I thought he would have at least said goodbye. Yes our relationship was short lived and ended tragically. I did care for him. I know at first Hush made it seem like I only cared for Hauk, but this wasn't true. I did and still do care for Sirian, even if it is never meant to be. Even if my heart will always truely belong to Hauk, even though the feelings will never be returned. I am a glutton for punishment it would seem.

I asked Sirian for forgiveness last night. He told me that he didn't need to forgive me because I had done nothing wrong. I still feel like I had though. I had lied to myself and to him when I told him I was over Hauk. Will I ever get over him completely though? It's hard to say. Maybe if I find the right man for me it will make me forget about my feelings for him. Maybe Sirian wasn't the right man for me. He has found someone new, and I do hope that they are happy together. It pains my heart to know that he is leaving and might not ever return. I know things are awkward between us after everything that has happened, but I hope to see him again someday. Somewhere.