Journal Entry October 12, 2010, early morning

I woke up this morning in the woods with blood on my hands. Who's blood was this? What happened last night? My head is fuzzy, my mouth is dry, I need something to drink. I feel so dizzy and my head is pounding. I had almost forgotten that I had some more Blood Thistle  in my pocket, so I quickly took it and almost immediately the symptoms went away. Suddenly the memories of last night came rushing back. I stabbed Biara! I just ran away too, I do not even know if she is ok. My sister.....she made me so upset. I do not know why I reacted so harshly though. Yes it was disturbing to find out that she is friends with that gnome Jazari, but did she deserved to be stabbed? Maybe slapped a few times for befriending the enemy, but what I did.....I hope she is alright.

I cry as I write this journal entry. I did not mean to hurt my sister. It's this fel drug that is controlling me! When I do not get enough I cannot control myself, my emotions, or my actions. I am so ashamed that I need it. I never wanted it to be this way, I never wanted to get addicted to this plant! But how do I stop? I need it. I feel that without it I would die. The symptoms are far too great, and the longer I do not have it in my system the worse they get until I stab my sister! I am such a monster. I will send a letter to her to make sure she is ok, but I think maybe I should leave the city for a while. Try to sort things out.

My heart is broken yet again. Will my sister ever forgive me? She doesn't know about my addiction, and she would not be too pleased with it. Maybe it is better for her to think I am a monster than a poor stupid addict. Let her hate me. I will disappear. As I finish this I pack some of my things. Not much, just some things to live on. I will set out on my journey as soon as I send a letter to my sister. Goodbye for now...