My heart and mind
are so confused right now. I spent the night with Andi under the stars
again. Why does he make me feel this way? I set out to use him as a spy
to get information from the Alliance and I end up having feelings for
him? I of course didn't tell him my original plan, he would never
forgive me. He said he loves me. I am not in love with him, but I care
very deeply for him. I guess pretending to like him at first solidified
my feelings for real? No one can know of this. Biara must still think I
am following our plan. I will be branded a traitor before they even know
the truth. That I could NEVER betray my people. I will NOT become my
mother in that respect.
But why does history feel the need to repeat itself with a Sin'dorei falling in love with a Kaldorei? Why can't I just find another Sin'dorei that I could settle down with. Afterall I really just want to fall in love and be loved back. But if I really am falling in love with Andi, how can we ever be seen in public together? I would be shunned from Silvermoon. I do not know if I could handle that, I love that city so much. It is apart of me.
I am still very upset that my mother did what she did, but it's times like this when I wish she were still alive. I could tell her anything. She never judged me. She just listened to me, and tried to give me advice on what I should do. I cry as I write this because I do not know what to do. My heart is saying one thing and my brain is saying another. Which do I listen to? I'm trying so hard to do the right thing here. Andi is being very understanding. I am just so confused...
*There are some tear stains on the page*
But why does history feel the need to repeat itself with a Sin'dorei falling in love with a Kaldorei? Why can't I just find another Sin'dorei that I could settle down with. Afterall I really just want to fall in love and be loved back. But if I really am falling in love with Andi, how can we ever be seen in public together? I would be shunned from Silvermoon. I do not know if I could handle that, I love that city so much. It is apart of me.
I am still very upset that my mother did what she did, but it's times like this when I wish she were still alive. I could tell her anything. She never judged me. She just listened to me, and tried to give me advice on what I should do. I cry as I write this because I do not know what to do. My heart is saying one thing and my brain is saying another. Which do I listen to? I'm trying so hard to do the right thing here. Andi is being very understanding. I am just so confused...
*There are some tear stains on the page*
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