My mind is in
disarray. I do not know what is real and what is not. Last night, too
many things happened to go into full detail. But I met a Death Knight
that literally chilled me to the bone. I felt very uncomfortable around
her even though she seemed nice enough.There was a rogue that was with
her that kept fighting with Noxu. We ran into a strange Sin'Dorei that
claims to be Lune. She insisted on seeing Biara and I told her I would
help her after I got over my initial shock. I must help her to find out
if Andi is ok. I have not heard from him since his letter, she must know
if something happened to him or not. So I will help her and in turn she
will help me.
Also stupid Lune found some bloodthistle and even tried some after I told her to stay away from it. Seeing that plant again brought up feelings and desires inside of me that I thought were long gone. The addiction is still alive in me, and I do not know how to calm it. Even now as I write this it is hard to concentrate on anything but that plant. I fear that I am not as strong as Hauk thinks I am. He was very sweet to me, saying that I was strong enough and that I did not take the plant myself. He believes in me, even when I don't, and that means the world to me. He even held me close as I cried. I have to admit that it felt good being that close to him.
I do love Andi but there is something about Hauk that I do not think I will ever get over. I had tried to love Sirian, and I don't even have to go into how bad that whole thing turned out again, but when we were together and I was sleeping he has said that I said Hauk's name in my sleep. Hauk will never see me as anything more than a sister. I have to accept this and move on, no matter what my heart is telling me. I have to fully love Andi with ALL of my heart, because anything less just wouldn't be fair to him. Whenever I feel like I am getting over Hauk he does something like last night that makes me fall for him all over again. What is wrong with me? Is it really possible to love two men at the same time?
Like I said though I never have to worry because Hauk would never leave Redessa. Andi is my love now, I just have to find him and make sure everything is ok. I must be feeling this strongly for Hauk because I miss Andi so much and need to see him.....
Also stupid Lune found some bloodthistle and even tried some after I told her to stay away from it. Seeing that plant again brought up feelings and desires inside of me that I thought were long gone. The addiction is still alive in me, and I do not know how to calm it. Even now as I write this it is hard to concentrate on anything but that plant. I fear that I am not as strong as Hauk thinks I am. He was very sweet to me, saying that I was strong enough and that I did not take the plant myself. He believes in me, even when I don't, and that means the world to me. He even held me close as I cried. I have to admit that it felt good being that close to him.
I do love Andi but there is something about Hauk that I do not think I will ever get over. I had tried to love Sirian, and I don't even have to go into how bad that whole thing turned out again, but when we were together and I was sleeping he has said that I said Hauk's name in my sleep. Hauk will never see me as anything more than a sister. I have to accept this and move on, no matter what my heart is telling me. I have to fully love Andi with ALL of my heart, because anything less just wouldn't be fair to him. Whenever I feel like I am getting over Hauk he does something like last night that makes me fall for him all over again. What is wrong with me? Is it really possible to love two men at the same time?
Like I said though I never have to worry because Hauk would never leave Redessa. Andi is my love now, I just have to find him and make sure everything is ok. I must be feeling this strongly for Hauk because I miss Andi so much and need to see him.....
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