Oh Journal, I have missed you! I haven't had much time to write
lately and I apologize for that. I haven't even told my sister what I
am about to tell you! I think I will tell her though, I need to tell
SOMEONE. I feel a mixture of feelings right now. Guilt, pleasure,
lust.....what am I going to do? I love Andithiel more than words can
say. I have not even thought of someone else until just yesterday. I
have always been faithful, never even thought of doing something to
jeapordize our relationship.
Why am I thinking these thoughts now then?
Someone
from my past met up with me yesterday by chance. Tiandril Sunsilk. I
hadn't known him long in Blood Knight training, but he left quite an
impression on me. He quit training for no reason, and I hadn't seen him
again since.....until yesterday. Now I can't seem to get him out of my
head. I feel so guilty even thinking the thoughts I'm thinking when I'm
with Andi. Will Andi be able to notice a change in my behavior? Will I
be able to push away my feelings for Ti? As long as I don't see him I
think I will be ok. I had a crush on him in training, and he apparently
had one on me as well, but then he had left so suddenly. I had put him
out of my mind. Figuring that since he left he had no feelings for me
and then I had forgotten about him.
But since meeting again
yesterday, his feelings are clearly as strong as ever. This troubles me
because he seems like he will not stop with his advances. I do not know
how strong my will power can be. Is it possible to be in love with two
people? Or is what I am feeling for Tiandril just lust and will fade
away just like it has in the past?
Either way I feel like I must
see Andi. To just remind myself that he is my true love. I just feel so
guilty and nothing even happend! Oh well...I hope everything will be ok.
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